Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Creative Writers United 2014

Hello, hello, hello!

And welcome to the annual Creative Writer's United convention where coffee is king and adverbs don't matter. My name is Emily and I shall be your wonderful, amazing, stunning, perfect, and ever humble host. 

On a more serious matter, writing is nothing to be trifled with. No, no. We are the few and the mighty who truly understand how words shape the world. Writers create worlds and people and new ideas. Writers can influence what a person thinks of the world. Writers inspire imagination and innovation and other 'I' words that escape me. Can any other profession say all of that? 

No matter. But, we must not let our heads explode with how awesome we are. Because above all, we writers must stay connected to humanity. Can we bake a beautiful cake? Probably not. Can we hold our breath underwater for more than thirty seconds? Probably not. Can we run a full marathon without walking once? No. We can not. But we can write about it!

My dear, dear writers. That is what we can do. We may not be able to climb Mount Everest, but we can stay up writing until four a.m. And we may not be able to figure out how to do our taxes, but by golly, we can fix a plot hole like that. We can whip up a short story in two seconds flat and make our reader's cry at two in the morning. 

Why? Because we. Are. Writers! My dear friends, Writers! Writers! Writers! Recorders of the world. Thinkers of the universe. We can make you believe that a giraffe is exactly like a teacup, that couches can talk, and bookshelves have feelings. We know why a raven is like a writing desk. We are grammar nazis, typo terrorists, and plot bunny collectors. And our only arch-nemesis is the dreaded Writer's Block. 

Oh... Writer's block... Thou unmuzzled base-court measle! You leave us staring at a blank page for hours watching that little line no one knows the name of blink-blink-blinking. You are the reason we don't write for months at a time because we simply can't. Because of writer's block, we are up at four in the morning surrounded by empty cups of coffee, staring at that silly white page with the blink-blink-blinking. We are so desperate to write something that we will do ANYTHING. And by anything I mean anything. My go to is always a cat-eating taco, sorry, a taco eating cat. And, trust me. The worse the writer's block is the crazier things we do. I had this one friend who once hung upside down for an hour because she believed the extra blood in her brain would kill her writer's block. That did not end well. 

So, when you are curled up in a ball at four in the morning, know this dear writers, that you, indeed are awesome. As awesome as light-up socks and glow in the dark tic-tacs... If those exist. 

Before I let you go to better yourself and your writing, I leave you with this. May your word counts be large and your characters believable. And above all, have a wonderful Creative Writers United 2014!